It's been a while!

Sorry I haven't posted for a while, it's been busy busy busy around here!!! So this is my last week of regular classes, then I have Dead Day Thursday and my finals start Friday, then I come home Wednesday!!! YAY! I have been pretty busy catching up with class work and projects and attempting to study for my finals. Plus, I am trying to order a bunch of stuff for my team so thats been stressful. We had a scrimmage on Friday against ASU, we lost but I had a lot of fun. It was the first time we played as a team, so it was like a trial run/ warm up for us. I feel like I played pretty good though!! I scored 2 goals:) One of them I ran the ball from the far restraining line to the goal, it felt SO good to run that fast again. I feel like I have gotten so much slower, so I intend to work my butt off to get back to being super fast again! I am feeling really behind on school stuff lately, and it is making me stress out really bad. Luckily I have some pretty nice professors that are being really understanding and lenient. I am so grateful for that. I have been having the hardest time sleeping though. It takes me about 2 hours to fall asleep, then I wake up every couple of hours and have to shift in my bed. I guess I just have a lot on my mind. Actually, I don't guess, I know. I have A LOT on my mind. I think about Niamh all the time. I couldn't even really tell you what it is I am thinking about her, it is just that she is always on my mind. It is weird because I like talk to her in my head. I figure she might be able to hear me. But then I think stuff that I don't want to tell her, then I am like OH CRAP, pretend you didn't hear that Niamh, and I always say sorry to her haha. I really wish I could talk to her for real. I miss her a lot. I don't know how to explain how I feel, but I guess you could compare it to like a druggy needing their fix... maybe not that crazy, but I have this overwhelming NEED for her. I have been so angry lately because of it. Its like I am not getting what I want, so I am taking out on everyone else, I feel so bad for my roommates, I wouldn't want to be around me. And it's not just that I am angry because I am not getting what I want, to talk to her, I am angry at myself, like there was some way I could have prevented this, even though I know that that doesn't matter, and I shouldn't be thinking that way. It is going to be weird not coming home to her this break. I actually don't even know what I am going to do. I have a lot of great friends, and I am sure I will see them all over break, but normally I would spend like every day with Niamh. So who am I going to hang out with? It makes me so sad. I just want her back. This isn't fair. Why did someone as good as Niamh have to die so young, when there are murderers and criminals out there that deserve to die but will probably live forever? Life just isn't fair, and I know that. But I can't help but think it.