Things are very stressful at my house right now. I think I am ready to move on and move past the stupid issues that continue to resurface in my life. My good friend Amanda will be moving in with me next year and I am very excited about that. It is something new, and she is pretty much my clone, so needless to say we get along really well. My living situation as of lately has become almost unbearable and has me frustrated and upset on a daily basis. If you are one of the people that talks to me often, Mom and Ashley, then you are probably well aware of the tension present in this house. Anyways, things have been as busy as ever! School, school, school, lacrosse, lacrosse, lacrosse, work, work, work, read, read, read!!! It is not too bad right now, but there is no doubt that I am busy, busy, busy! I have been feeling pretty good this past week, besides the whole house thing, and been able to video chat with Nathan almost everyday which always makes things better. Nathan thinks he is a photographer now ( ;) ) and although I joke about him thinking he is a pro now that he has his cool camera, he actually is quite good. There is no doubt that he takes really beautiful pics... but anyways, what I was meaning to tell you guys is that he had one of his pictures enlarged and he sent it to me as a present and I framed it and hung it on my wall and it is just SO CUTE! :) Hmm, what else? Jack is doing good. He is probably my favorite thing in he world and I just love him so much and want to give him kisses all the time!!! Haha. He is my snuggle buddy. Well, I don't think I have much else to say, if I think of something I will post it later! Love. XOXO

I do NOT want to go to work. Ugh. I am so tired and I just want to go to bed because I have to get up early for class, but NOPE... I have to go to work and close tonight, so if it is a quick close then I might be home by midnight. Sometimes I wish I didn't get a job. I just don't have time. I have so much more work for my classes than I expected, plus lacrosse and what not and it is just becoming too much. I like making my own money... but I don't know if it is worth being miserable all the time cause I HAVE no TIME. I can't quit cause I have not been working that long and that is just dumb, but I just like I don't know. I don't know. I want more down time to just sit in my bed and watch t.v. BLAH. I am just so tired right now! SO TIRED. And I still have so much reading to do. Poop.

Other than that, I have been happy. Me and Nathan, despite the 3000 mile separation, are doing quite well. I miss him more than anything, but we are dealing. Just looking forward to summer, of course.

So, when Nathan was in England I sent him a big box of stuff... One of the things in it was a series of letter, some with quotes, some with letters, some with silly things for him to do, etc. Well, one of the letters told him to write a poem about The Sad Little Running Shoe. Of course, he did it, and I just thought I would share it with you, even though it was done months ago, because it is just so cute. The first part is what Nathan wrote, the second short part is what I added to it. Enjoy!! XOXO

I am unhappy,
In fact, I feel down right crappy.
I used to be able to just hit the street,
Tied up tight on someones feet.
Slap, Slap, hard against the pavement,
But now I have seen my new replacement.
I used to be white,
I used to be clean and tight.
I used to have a sole and solid heel,
I used to have that new feel.
But not anymore, I've seen my day,
I am now doomed to sit in the back of the closet, out of the way.
I am the sad little running shoe, Does anyone care?
And I am just nothing like the new Nike Air.
I dont have any shiny plastic parts,
I just smell of feet and farts.
I dont have any heel springs,
I just have gross sweat rings.
I dont have a light weight frame,
I am just downright lame.
I dont have a fancy microchip,
Im just a piece of shit.
Ripping at the seams and beat to hell,
Why didnt I get an extra flexible waterproof shell?
I am just the sad little running shoe, Does anyone care?
I am just nothing like the new Nike Air.
I used to win all the races,
I saw all the hippest running places.
I was the talk of the town,
People who had me just couldn't frown.
I made running fun,
People would run just to run.
But now, ever since this Nike fella came around,
I can't help but feel a little down.
I think if you just cleaned me up a bit,
Get some new laces I bet I can still fit!
I might be running a little thin,
But let me race and I will win!
Please go return those new shiny shoes,
Because everyday they leave and I stay, I just feel blue.
I promise I dont have to be the sad little running shoe,
If you just say I am still the shoe for you!

Dear sad little running shoe
I'll let you race
Just come with me
We'll keep a good pace
We'll go down streets
And trudge through sand
Together we'll show that Nike brand
That running shoes don't need plastic parts
And you know they're loved when they smell like farts
I'll show everyone and they'll see
That, sad little running shoe, you're the shoe for ME!!

My heart goes out to all the Lurcook family.

R.I.P Uncle Burnell.

XOXO

I am feeling so much better. Still a little overwhelmed with class as I am taking 19 credits this semester, but I am getting settled back in Tucson and I am feeling happy, so YAY! I realized some stuff about myself and realized that sometimes you just have to make some changes to be happy. That's all for now, I will have time later to update a little more. XOXO.

I am an absolute mess. Total, complete, 100% mess. I need a change.

I realize that my last post was when I was going to pick up Nathan, WELL he is gone once again so I guess I will get back to writing long complaints about my life so you all can share my misery!

Winter break was amazing and I am so sad that it is over. I had so much fun with my family and it was so so so good to spend time with Nathan. We didn't actually do anything really exciting, but I got to see him every day and it was just so nice. I would literally give anything to be able to spend every day with him now. We went to the beach a few times, and at the end of break Nathan, Bentley, Evan (Nathan's little brother), and me went up to Hollywood to spend a weekend with Nathan's older brother Jesse. That was probably the highlight of break, it was so much fun! We went to Hollywood, Beverly Hills, Rodeo Drive, Venice Beach, and the Santa Monica Pier.

That was my last weekend at home, then Nathan and I drove back to Tucson. He stayed with me for a couple days, then is was another painful goodbye. We celebrated our one year anniversary the day he left, so needless to say it was a very depressing anniversary. The goodbyes keep getting harder. I thought I would get used to seeing him go, but every time we say goodbye it is worse than the time before. I am sure you guys don't want to hear my go on and on about how horrible it is to say bye to someone you love and know you're not going to see them for a long time so I won't go on about it, but just imagine living without the person you love most. It kind of sucks. A lot.

Anyways, I had my first week of class. I am in all education courses so that is great. I like all my classes, but I already have so much reading and homework to do.

Lacrosse also started this week and definitely kicked my butt!

Other than that I am bored and lonely, as of right now. Not much to do here, and unfortunately most of my friends spend their time with their boyfriends (kill me). So, I spend my time with my cat. I have no idea what I am going to do this weekend. It is a 3 day weekend, but I kind of wish it wasn't. I will probably just do homework all weekend, I don't have money to do anything else. Wonderful.

Ugh, life is so frustrating. Everything about it. Life is just so hard right now. I wish that I could fast forward 2 years to when I will be teaching in my own classroom, and I will be living in the same city (or at least state) as Nathan, and I will be closer to my family. Whenever I have a weekend like this I always think about how it would be if I went to school by my family. I would just be able to drive home and hang out with me when I was alone like this. I would have something to do, people to see. Not that I don't have friends here, it is just hard to make plans with people at this point. Like I said, boyfriends.

I wish I had a normal relationship. I wish I was done with long distance. I know I complain about it all the time, but it is just so stupid! I hate it more than anything really. UGH. It is too hard and no one should have to do it. Two more years though...