It's Wednesday!

Hello, so halfway through the week! I have lots to fill you in on, I think? Um, first of all, on Monday I had my College of Education interview! It consisted of a group interview and an individual interview. They both went amazingly well! The woman who did the group interview said we were her best group, and I had 2 principals interview me in my individual and I think that went super well too. And I find out in about 2 weeks whether I got in or not, I am soo excited!! And more good news, I finally got a job interview at Starbucks, so that is in Monday and I am super stoked. Me and Casey leave for Santa Barbara Saturday morning to make our game schedule for lacrosse, and we will be getting back Sunday afternoon. Um what else? I had a paper due today, so I was up late last night finishing that, and I have a religion test tomorrow so I will be up late again studying for that. Then I have another government test on Monday, and an art test later in the week. So, for the past 3 weeks, and the next 2 I will have had or will have at least one test each week. WOW too much! We had our lacrosse info meeting last night and that went well, a lot of girls showed up. We will start unofficial practices next week on the mall. I went to yoga last night and that was good, we did a lot of meditating and it was really relaxing :) I am super tired today cause I was up late and I still have until 4 when I am done with classes. THEN I get to study! Yay! Um what else can I tell you?? Um, it has been 6 days since I have talked to Nathan. Very weird and lame. But he got to travel around England this weekend so I am sure he had lots of fun. I don't think I have much more to tell. Things haven't been too exciting here in Tucson. Alright well, bye. XOXO.

Friday, Friday

So, it's Friday. This has been a moderately good week, much better than the last one at least. Right now I am sitting in a big comfy chair in the bookstore, enjoying a venti iced non-fat peppermint white mocha. WOW, that's a mouthful. And I am about to meet my friend Erica for lunch! I have my COE interview coming up on Monday, and I am so nervous. So keep your fingers crossed for me! Last night I went to yoga and it was amazing. Like, I felt so good afterwards, and it just put me in such a great state of mind. From now on it is every Tuesday and Thursday so I am so happy about that!! Next week is also our first lacrosse meeting, so we will have a room in the rec center and all the players and new freshman will come and me and the other president, Casey, will tell them all about how awesome lacrosse is and how much our team rocks!!! And then next weekend me and Casey will be going to Santa Barbara for the WWLL meeting to make our schedule for the spring. We are hoping to be able to fly there instead of drive. If we can stay at my best friend Danika's house then we can fly, but we won't know if we can stay there till after this weekend because Danika plays soccer at UCSB and she is not sure if they will be traveling that weekend or not. I am hoping NOT, cause I really don't want to drive. Good news, I am a quarter of the way through this semester! I have had 3 tests, I have 2 more next week, and a paper due today and next week. WOW. I am gonna be busy busy with stuff this weekend! I will probably be spending the majority of my time in Starbucks haha. But that's nothing out of the ordinary. As you all know I am trying to get a job. I applied to 9 places, but haven't heard back yet. I am gonna check up on my apps this weekend I think. Um, what else is new? I guess not much. I am absolutely in love with my kitty, Jack. He is my best little friend, except in the morning when I am laying in bed talking to Nathan on the computer and he feels the need to sit with his butt in my face so I can't see the screen AND attack my fingers while I type. But other than that I just adore him, and I am so so glad that I have him. I sent Nathan a big box of goodies and what not yesterday, no knowing that it was going to cost me an arm and a leg to send. First I went to UPS and they told me it would be 160 dollars to send, and I was like HELLLLLLL NO, yeah right cause I have that kind of money! So then I took it to the post office and ended up sending it for 42 dollars there. Which is a big difference! But the thing with the post office is... there is no guarantee when and if it will actually get there. They told me that they usually don't have problems with packages getting lost when sent to England, but that you never know... and when the package leaves the US and enters the UK they no longer have any control or anything so it is in the hands of the UK post office or whatever. So I am a little nervous that it is gonna get lost, but I will just think happy positive thoughts and hope for the best. AND hope that it doesn't take too long cause I put homemade cookies in there... and if they get there in a month... ewwwww hahaha. Um what else can I tell you??? How about why doesn't anyone else update their blog anymore!! Come on people! Anyways, tonight we are having girls night. Me, Jessica, Kristin, and maybe Yael are going to go to dinner, and then we are going to watch Now and Then. We always joke that we are the Now and Then girls when we ride out bikes to school, cause we ride in a straight line side by side haha. We are just too cute;) I am not sure if I have much else to tell you. I think I have pretty much covered it all. I started reading P.S. I Love You again cause I just love that book so much, but I would like to find another really good book to read, so if anyone has any suggestions let me know. There are a lot of tours on campus right now. It is funny to think that like 3 years ago I was on one of those tours. And now I am a junior!! So weird! But I am glad, I think I am ready to be done with college. It is nice and all, but I can't wait to actually be teaching a class of my own and be back home and be able to see Nathan everyday. Hmmm. Alright, well gotta go. XOXO.

Sunday

Today I applied to 3 more Starbucks, that makes it 5 total, so cross your fingers for me. Gramma and Poppy stopped by on their way home from Sedona and took me to lunch. It was really nice to see them. After that I went to Cutters and met up with Kristin and Jessica. I was doing pretty good all day until I got home and was alone again. Of course I fell apart, big surprise.  I am praying this gets easier. If anyone has any advice for me on how to get through this, please please help me out...XOXO

Saturday

I am at Cutters Point Coffee right now, I just had to get out of my house. I have been filling out job apps for a while and I just finished. I can't decide whether I am gonna go home or stay here and study for math. I don't really want to be at home, especially since I would be alone... but I don't really want to be alone here either. Nathan said he would be able to talk later tonight... meaning this afternoon for me, so hopefully that actually happens, but I just hate the feeling I have while I am waiting to talk to him. The people behind me are having a bible study and I have been listening to them. Sometimes I wish I was a religious person... I think it would be nice to have something to look up to that could help me make sense of my life right now. I believe in God and all, and sometimes I pray for help or relief... but I don't have a deep understanding of God and the Bible and all that. And I wonder if I did, if right now I would have some kind of outlet, if I would be more positive ya know. I need some help finding some inner peace so that I can be happy. I think I already told you this, but I am going to start going to yoga with one of my roommates. It is 2 days a week, and they do meditation as well as yoga. I think that it will be really good for my body, mind, and spirit. Someone told me that when I feel sad, that I need to do something for either my body, my mind, or my spirit... and this will do it all I think. My mind is always racing, and my heart is always beating so fast so I am hoping this will calm to down. I am like a hummingbird... my heart beats so fast all the time.... I am afraid it is going to shorten my life span. We will see. I have decided that I really need to take some action on getting myself better, and in a more positive state of mind. I am going to put all of my angry and sad energy into school. And I think that if I think positive and work hard and imagine myself being successful this semester then I may be able to get through it. And I am praying that I get a job. Feeling productive, and important can really change me. If I feel unimportant, or like I am not doing anything, then I feel really bad myself, which in turn makes me feel bad about my life. But if I feel like I am doing something, I am productive, important, needed, then I feel better about myself. I have a very complex mind. It never stops. I guess I get that from my Dad. His wheels are always turning.... and so are mine. That's why I never sleep. There is too much going on inside my head. Anyways, I guess that is enough for now. XOXO.

 Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It is for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It is for those who know a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough. ♥

I don't want to feel like this...

3 months, 13 weeks, 87 days, 125,280 minutes... they better go by fast!

So, I guess I am feeling somewhat better. I am still having a really hard time with this, but I got to talk to Nathan this morning, which made me happy. But I just really miss him a lot. Like I feel anxious all day, and when I finally get to talk to him my heart races so fast. I feel like a little girl when her crush talks to her haha. Everyday I wish there was something I could do to bring him back, to be able to see him everyday, but obviously that's just crazy cause there is nothing I can do.  I have a biology test tomorrow that is gonna kick my butt so that is also causing me a lot of stress too. Ugh, I want it to be winter break already. I am already over this whole semester. I think it will probably be the hardest one for me, so once it is over... I think I will be okay. I hope it will be okay. And I think that if I can get through this semester, being so far away from Nathan, and putting up with everything that comes along with your boyfriend being in a different country... then I will be able to get through the year and a half after that that I have to be away from him. Because this is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. And it may seem silly to some of you, but think about this... if you had to be away from the one person you love most whether its a husband, boyfriend, daughter, son, friend... would it be easy for you? What about if you couldn't talk to them? I 've realized this: I was fine last semester when we were away from eachother, then we came home for summer and did everything together, literally, and now he is in a different country... I got so used to living my life with him in it, with him as a really big part, that now that I have to live my life without him... I don't know how... And I don't know what to do...

goodmorning

I got a whopping total of 5 hours of sleep last night! I stayed till about midnight talking to Nathan, because he woke up and had time to talk before he went to class. Then I woke up at 5 to talk to Nathan again. I didn't actually wake up on purpose at 5, but my body just woke up because I think I knew I was going to get to talk to him. But of course we didn't actually talk until about 6, so I just laid in my bed, with this growing anxious feeling in my chest. When I talk to him lately I feel sick to my stomach/really sad. I think that will go away once I actually accept the fact that he is in stupid England. But for now, it's just gonna be hard for me to talk to him:( I am gonna try to have a more positive attitude about this because I know I can't change it, but I am gonna have t work at it. This is very hard for me. I feel really sad all day, until a couple hours before I go to bed when I start to feel better. But then I go to sleep, and when I wake up I feel sad again. The morning is the worst for some reason. Every morning when I wake up I get like butterflies in my stomach and that anxious feeling in my chest, then I get really depressed and cry. But as the day goes on, I feel a little better. I don't know. 

Finally

So I finally talked to Nathan today. It wasn't the happiest of talks, but it was nice to hear from him. He starts 2 classes tomorrow and the rest next week. And he is already running out of money (MAYBE HE WILL HAVE TO COME HOME;)!!!!!!!!!!!) We are not going to be able to talk on the phone, or text. So it's the internet only, oh joy. And this sucks. This sucks. This sucks. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I wish that SOMEONE could even understand a little how I feel right now. There needs to be some kind of support group for people in long (and when I say long I mean LONG) distance relationships. This is so stupid. I could not be more unhappy. And I know that is a horrible attitude, but whatever, I could care less at this point. And I just want to give props to my cousin Carissa... I don't know how you did it with a baby and not seeing Brandon for 7 months, you're my hero girl! Anyways, life is boring in Tucson as usual. AAAAAANNNNDDD I wish I could find a way to make these 3 months go faster because at this rate, I might be dead or have gone insane by the time December comes around. Ugh. And MOM I know I know "distance makes the heart grow fonder"... but right now distance is making me want to rip out my heart and throw it right in Nathan's face. Can you guys tell I am angry right now?? I am filled to the brim with rage. And at the same time I want to fall into a puddle on the ground and cry until I throw up. There are a lot of worse things that could be happening, I know. But this IS what is happening. THIS is what I am living through right now. And I think that if you have ever loved someone as much as I love Nathan, you would realize that having that person you love in a different country, on a different time, and unable to speak with them is pretty rough. It's hard to think of them going on and living there life without you in it. It's hard to think that there are other people that get to see him everyday when you have to wait months just to see him for a couple weeks. It's hard to think that you're not a part of their daily life. That you are just something on the side. Anyways, I have to go study for a POL test I have tomorrow. I tell ya, I have such a fun life. LATER! Be ready for my next long rant! XOXO

HURRAY HURRAYY!!!

Nathan texted me!!! He is there and will have internet tomorrow, so that is good news. But we won't be able to text cause its too expensive, and I am not sure about calling yet either.

Still no word...

So this is going on day 3 of Nathan being in England and I still haven't heard a word from him. I thought maybe I would wake up to an email or something, but nothing. I was really upset yesterday, but I made myself feel better by thinking this is silly I shouldn't be so upset about not hearing from him, I am sure he is fine. But this morning I woke up with that sick feeling in my stomach. I am sure he is okay, I just don't understand why we have had no form of contact the last couple days. It's 2:30 pm there right now, so he has been there for a couple days. I feel like he would have a phone by now, or at least access to internet. I just want to talk to him. 

I hate stupid England. 

Pictures from the last couple weeks!

Me and Nathan :)

Jack Jack on the Kitty Castle Nathan made for him!

More of me and my favorite boy!

The flowers and coffee Nathan surprised me with!!!! So sweet!!

Lots to tell!!

Hey guys, sorry I don't keep up with this! I figured it was time for an update since I haven't had a new post since I got my tonsils out. SO, what has happened lately?? Well I am back at school. I have been in Tucson for about 4 weeks now. Bentley drove out with me to help me move the rest of my stuff in and then she had to leave the next day because she had cross country practice, but it was nice to have her with me on the long boring car ride. We rocked out to Taylor Swift for a nice portion of the 6 hours:) Classes started about 3 weeks ago and so far things are going okay. I already have 2 exams this week!!! Scary! I am taking my first teaching course called teaching elementary math, and so far I really like it. I applied to the college of education for the teacher preparation program this last friday, so keep your fingers crossed for me!!! If I get in, next semester I will be taking teaching/method courses so I am very excited! Whats next?? Nathan made a surprise visit to me here in Tucson. He made up this whole story about how he was flying out and then his plane got delayed and blah blah and I totally fell for it. He called me and asked me if I had checked the mail that day cause he sent a package and he got a notice that it had arrived and I hadn't so I went outside to check and there were flowers and a mcdonalds caramel iced coffee (my favorite!) on the porch. THEN I was very confused and just kept saying what the heck, nathan, what the heck whats going on. And he walked around the corner and there he was! SURPRISE!!! It was the best surprise ever... he had driven all day to surprise me:) He is so sweet. He stayed for 4 days and it was so much fun! We adopted a kitty and Nathan named him Jack. He is all black and has pretty blue eyes. Nathan built him a really cool kitty castle thing. It took him a while, but it turned out really good. Nathan also did yard work and fixed the light that was falling of my ceiling. I tell ya... he's gonna make a great husband one day;))) When Nathan left I went back to my normal routine of school and what not. THEN the next weekend I flew home so I could see him one more time before he left for England. I spent pretty much every second with him when I was in San Diego, I won't lie, but he is the reason that I went home so what do you expect!! We did our normal movie watching and dinner going, and then on Sunday we went golfing with Bentley and his little brother Evan. It was so much fun, but it was so so hot!! And me and Bentley are awful at gulf haha. When we got home from golfing I realized I had a fever but that wasn't gonna stop me! ( I ended up having the flu and I am still fighting a bad cough). Monday me and Nathan went to the beach with my family and had a bbq. That was our last day together, so it was sad, but fun. Tuesday morning Nathan took me to the airport and we said our good-byes. It was really hard:( I am really really gonna miss him. I already do. He gave me his favorite pair of old grey sweatpants with a cute little note so I have been wearing those a lot. He left for England yesterday morning and he is going to be there for 3 months. I am so so happy for him because he wanted to do this so bad and he is so excited, but its gonna be hard. He is going to be 9 hours ahead of me for the next 3 months... I don't know how much I like that. That means when I am sleeping, he is awake. And when I am awake, he is sleeping. Like right now... its midnight there. It is going to take some getting used to. I haven't actually talked to him since he left from the New York airport, and I'm not gonna lie, it is driving me crazy. Not knowing what is going on is NOT something that I like. He has to get a different phone so so far he has no way to call me, and I am not sure about the internet situation... but I really hope I hear from him soon. Or... I might just lose my mind. Anyways... other news. We now have 3 animals in the house. Kristin has her kitty Sam, I have Jack, and Yael is currently dog sitting a little pup named Trae. What a big family we have!!! :) I am currently looking for a job. My Dad helped me type up a resume today and I am gonna do a lot of job searching this week. I need to keep busy or I am gonna miss Nathan too much , so it will be really good if I get a job. Wish me luck cause no ones hiring haha!!!! Well I guess that about does it for now. I will try to keep up with this more!!! XOXO.