I temporarily forgot my username and password for this, don't ask me how, but i had a revelation this morning and finally remembered it! So, I am back! I have lots to write about since I have not written in so long.

First, I got to see Nathan for a couple days of his spring break. He came to Tucson and spent 4 days with me, it didn't quite seem like enough and it went so fast, but it was so much fun and I had an amazing couple days with him. It was really sad to say good-bye to him again. I feel like I am constantly saying bye bye bye bye! It really sucks, but for now that is what I have to live with.

Once Nathan flew back east I headed to San Diego to spend my spring break with my family. It was nice to see them, and I absolutely love Taylor's new apartment. I am so jealous. I just hung out while I was home, went to Bentley's lacrosse games, and did some shopping with my Mama :) Usually I am ready to go back to Tucson and be on my own again, but this time is was really hard for me to leave. I wanted to just stay and be with my family. I feel like I am always missing everyone. Whether it is Nathan or my family, I am always wishing I was with them.

Well, now I am back in Tucson. I am just cleaning up and running errands and stuff like that cause there is nothing else to do. Everyone is still home with their families until Sunday, but I had to come home to work. Boo. So basically I am bored and lonely. Awesome. Just what I need.

Boys: selfish, immature, rude, mean, selfish, selfish, selfish.

I think I expect too much of people. And that is going to be my downfall.

I officially HATE my living situation. It is uncomfortable, stressful, and annoying. I have one roommate who hands down wins worst roommate of the century award. She is rude, selfish, and a bitch. Honestly. I am so glad that she will be out of my life for good in a couple of months.

You all know how I like to vent, so I just had to get that out, but now I can get on to happier things! Well, my lacrosse team just went to SB for a tournament, we are now 3 and 0 in league. WOWWW!! So exciting. School is good, but stressful. Nathan is good, I should hopefully be seeing him in about 3 weeks. Everything else is pretty good. I started a diet and that is going ok. It is warming up here so I figure I will get a head start on looking good for summer! Haha. Other than that I don't have much to tell you. XOXO.

I am sitting in the student union eating lunch by myself right now, but things are good. It has been decided that me and my current roommates will all be going our separate ways next year, but I think it is for the best although I will miss living with Kristin because I have lived with her my whole college life up to this point. Things are still uncomfortable and tense around my house but at least we all know that it is only for a couple more months then we will no longer be getting on each others nerves on a daily basis.

Everything ha been going pretty good. Nathan is doing good, he is super busy as always, but he found a work study job so he is very excited about that! Although we are 3,000 miles apart we have never been better and I am so so happy. Assuming he makes it out for spring break I will be seeing him in 4 weeks!!

I dropped my 4 credit spanish class so I am down to 15 credits which is much easier to deal with! But my work load is still pretty big. I am constantly reading for my children's literature class and it gets a little stressful.

Lacrosse is going well. We have our first home games this weekend against Pepperdine and USC. I am really excited!! And I think my Mom and Dad are going to come out to watch so it will be nice to see them!!! I have never loved a team as much as I love my current team, They are all such awesome, fun, sweet girls and they make everything better :))))

I think that is all I have to update you about for now. Dear John comes out tomorrow and I really want to see it!!! It looks so cute and it is about a long distance relationship so I can definitely relate. Haha, okay that's all I got. LOVE LOVE LOVE. XOXO.

Things are very stressful at my house right now. I think I am ready to move on and move past the stupid issues that continue to resurface in my life. My good friend Amanda will be moving in with me next year and I am very excited about that. It is something new, and she is pretty much my clone, so needless to say we get along really well. My living situation as of lately has become almost unbearable and has me frustrated and upset on a daily basis. If you are one of the people that talks to me often, Mom and Ashley, then you are probably well aware of the tension present in this house. Anyways, things have been as busy as ever! School, school, school, lacrosse, lacrosse, lacrosse, work, work, work, read, read, read!!! It is not too bad right now, but there is no doubt that I am busy, busy, busy! I have been feeling pretty good this past week, besides the whole house thing, and been able to video chat with Nathan almost everyday which always makes things better. Nathan thinks he is a photographer now ( ;) ) and although I joke about him thinking he is a pro now that he has his cool camera, he actually is quite good. There is no doubt that he takes really beautiful pics... but anyways, what I was meaning to tell you guys is that he had one of his pictures enlarged and he sent it to me as a present and I framed it and hung it on my wall and it is just SO CUTE! :) Hmm, what else? Jack is doing good. He is probably my favorite thing in he world and I just love him so much and want to give him kisses all the time!!! Haha. He is my snuggle buddy. Well, I don't think I have much else to say, if I think of something I will post it later! Love. XOXO

I do NOT want to go to work. Ugh. I am so tired and I just want to go to bed because I have to get up early for class, but NOPE... I have to go to work and close tonight, so if it is a quick close then I might be home by midnight. Sometimes I wish I didn't get a job. I just don't have time. I have so much more work for my classes than I expected, plus lacrosse and what not and it is just becoming too much. I like making my own money... but I don't know if it is worth being miserable all the time cause I HAVE no TIME. I can't quit cause I have not been working that long and that is just dumb, but I just like I don't know. I don't know. I want more down time to just sit in my bed and watch t.v. BLAH. I am just so tired right now! SO TIRED. And I still have so much reading to do. Poop.

Other than that, I have been happy. Me and Nathan, despite the 3000 mile separation, are doing quite well. I miss him more than anything, but we are dealing. Just looking forward to summer, of course.

So, when Nathan was in England I sent him a big box of stuff... One of the things in it was a series of letter, some with quotes, some with letters, some with silly things for him to do, etc. Well, one of the letters told him to write a poem about The Sad Little Running Shoe. Of course, he did it, and I just thought I would share it with you, even though it was done months ago, because it is just so cute. The first part is what Nathan wrote, the second short part is what I added to it. Enjoy!! XOXO

I am unhappy,
In fact, I feel down right crappy.
I used to be able to just hit the street,
Tied up tight on someones feet.
Slap, Slap, hard against the pavement,
But now I have seen my new replacement.
I used to be white,
I used to be clean and tight.
I used to have a sole and solid heel,
I used to have that new feel.
But not anymore, I've seen my day,
I am now doomed to sit in the back of the closet, out of the way.
I am the sad little running shoe, Does anyone care?
And I am just nothing like the new Nike Air.
I dont have any shiny plastic parts,
I just smell of feet and farts.
I dont have any heel springs,
I just have gross sweat rings.
I dont have a light weight frame,
I am just downright lame.
I dont have a fancy microchip,
Im just a piece of shit.
Ripping at the seams and beat to hell,
Why didnt I get an extra flexible waterproof shell?
I am just the sad little running shoe, Does anyone care?
I am just nothing like the new Nike Air.
I used to win all the races,
I saw all the hippest running places.
I was the talk of the town,
People who had me just couldn't frown.
I made running fun,
People would run just to run.
But now, ever since this Nike fella came around,
I can't help but feel a little down.
I think if you just cleaned me up a bit,
Get some new laces I bet I can still fit!
I might be running a little thin,
But let me race and I will win!
Please go return those new shiny shoes,
Because everyday they leave and I stay, I just feel blue.
I promise I dont have to be the sad little running shoe,
If you just say I am still the shoe for you!

Dear sad little running shoe
I'll let you race
Just come with me
We'll keep a good pace
We'll go down streets
And trudge through sand
Together we'll show that Nike brand
That running shoes don't need plastic parts
And you know they're loved when they smell like farts
I'll show everyone and they'll see
That, sad little running shoe, you're the shoe for ME!!

My heart goes out to all the Lurcook family.

R.I.P Uncle Burnell.

XOXO

I am feeling so much better. Still a little overwhelmed with class as I am taking 19 credits this semester, but I am getting settled back in Tucson and I am feeling happy, so YAY! I realized some stuff about myself and realized that sometimes you just have to make some changes to be happy. That's all for now, I will have time later to update a little more. XOXO.

I am an absolute mess. Total, complete, 100% mess. I need a change.

I realize that my last post was when I was going to pick up Nathan, WELL he is gone once again so I guess I will get back to writing long complaints about my life so you all can share my misery!

Winter break was amazing and I am so sad that it is over. I had so much fun with my family and it was so so so good to spend time with Nathan. We didn't actually do anything really exciting, but I got to see him every day and it was just so nice. I would literally give anything to be able to spend every day with him now. We went to the beach a few times, and at the end of break Nathan, Bentley, Evan (Nathan's little brother), and me went up to Hollywood to spend a weekend with Nathan's older brother Jesse. That was probably the highlight of break, it was so much fun! We went to Hollywood, Beverly Hills, Rodeo Drive, Venice Beach, and the Santa Monica Pier.

That was my last weekend at home, then Nathan and I drove back to Tucson. He stayed with me for a couple days, then is was another painful goodbye. We celebrated our one year anniversary the day he left, so needless to say it was a very depressing anniversary. The goodbyes keep getting harder. I thought I would get used to seeing him go, but every time we say goodbye it is worse than the time before. I am sure you guys don't want to hear my go on and on about how horrible it is to say bye to someone you love and know you're not going to see them for a long time so I won't go on about it, but just imagine living without the person you love most. It kind of sucks. A lot.

Anyways, I had my first week of class. I am in all education courses so that is great. I like all my classes, but I already have so much reading and homework to do.

Lacrosse also started this week and definitely kicked my butt!

Other than that I am bored and lonely, as of right now. Not much to do here, and unfortunately most of my friends spend their time with their boyfriends (kill me). So, I spend my time with my cat. I have no idea what I am going to do this weekend. It is a 3 day weekend, but I kind of wish it wasn't. I will probably just do homework all weekend, I don't have money to do anything else. Wonderful.

Ugh, life is so frustrating. Everything about it. Life is just so hard right now. I wish that I could fast forward 2 years to when I will be teaching in my own classroom, and I will be living in the same city (or at least state) as Nathan, and I will be closer to my family. Whenever I have a weekend like this I always think about how it would be if I went to school by my family. I would just be able to drive home and hang out with me when I was alone like this. I would have something to do, people to see. Not that I don't have friends here, it is just hard to make plans with people at this point. Like I said, boyfriends.

I wish I had a normal relationship. I wish I was done with long distance. I know I complain about it all the time, but it is just so stupid! I hate it more than anything really. UGH. It is too hard and no one should have to do it. Two more years though...

Today is THE DAY!

I am about to go pick up Nathan from the airport and see him for the first time in OVER THREE MONTHS! OMG!!! I could not be happier right now:) XOXO

Long time no write?

Hello Friends and Family,

I realize I have not updated my blog for ages. And since I am in a good mood this morning I thought, hey why not! So I guess I have a lot to fill you in on. Most of you know I got a job at Starbucks, and I absolutely love it. I fit in really well at the store I am at and I love everyone I work with. Classes are officially over, but I still have 3 more finals next week, and I had 2 this past week. I am not so sure how great my grades are going to be this semester, my classes were on the edge of absolutely ridiculous. But I think I will at least pass them all! I think... I put some pics up from the last couple months, some are from Thanksgiving... It was SO SO SO nice to be home for a weekend, I really needed it. I got to see Gramma and Poppy which was so nice, and I even got a silly picture with Gramma haha ;) The other pictures are from stuff with my lacrosse team. We had a scrimmage up in Phoenix, then the next morning we had Has, which is this running game. It was super fun, we always have a blast when we're together. My team, that is. So besides school, work, and lacrosse I have not been doing much. Being as busy as I am I am just so tired all the time, especially when I have to get up at 3 in the morning for work. Ugh. Last night I fell asleep at 8 and missed my friends birthday party! We decorated our house for Christmas and it looks pretty cute. The kitties have their own stockings that Gramma Barb got them ;) Well, right now I am just listening to Christmas music while I run around and do errands. Laundry, cleaning, etc. I have to get ready for Nathan to come! OMG HE IS HOME TONIGHT! You guys have no idea how happy I am. The most miserable 3 months of my life is finally over. It felt like it took forever. But YAY he is finally coming home! He will be coming out to Tucson Tuesday probably to stay with me then drive back home with me. We are going to exchange gifts early and I am so excited. Since he doesn't read this I can tell you guys what I got him. First, I got him 2 pairs of jeans that he wanted... But that is not the big present... The big present is... I wrote him a book and had it published. For my last birthday he wrote me a book and had it printed and bound and everything and it was the best present I ever recieved from anyone, so I did kind of the same thing. I put all my poems together, and wrote probably about 35 more, and found a website that lets you self publish, and WALAAA! A book! So I am very very excited, it turned out really good. Anyways, I better get back to my chores. I have to finish up here at the house, then go shopping for a few Christmas presents before work tonight. Peace & Love. XOXO

Hello All!!! I am way over-do for a blog update! Sorry I have been slacking, but I will fill you guys in. Well, basically I have just been going to school. I have had a pretty heavy work/study load lately and it is stressing me out, but I just keep thinking just 4 more weeks, just 4 more weeks, and I get to be done, see Nathan, and GO HOME! I started work a couple weeks ago, I am still training, but this Sunday I have my first official barista shift! I am really nervous cause there is so much I have to remember, but I think I will okay once I get into it and get the hang of it. Hmm what else?? Lacrosse is going well. I like all our little rookies:) That is pretty much all I have been doing though. School, lacrosse, and work. But it is keeping me super busy! It has finally cooled off here, and I am loving it! I just can't wait for winter. It is getting so close. In 26 days Nathan is home and then he is gonna come see me and we will drive back to San Diego together, then spend all of winter break together and it is going to be amazing! I am so so so so unbelievably excited! Alright, well I don't think I have much else to say. Love you all! XOXO

What do I want?

-I want my best friend to be alive.

-I want my boyfriend to live in the same country as me.

-I want school to be easier.

-I want my family to be healthy.

-I want to be able to be happy without trying so hard to be.

-I want it to be December.

-I want to be done with college.

-I want to see my family.

-I want to be able to see Nathan more than twice a year.

-I want...

A little birdy told me that Riki wants to hear some more of my complaining!! So I guess I will fill you all in on the last couple weeks, or is it days? When's the last time I wrote? Anyways, not too much has happened. Lacrosse started, and I am so glad!!! We are doing runs and throws, but nothing too serious until the 22nd when official practices start. I should be finding out this week if I got into the college of education. And I also should be finding out if I got a job or not. So I am keeping my fingers crossed for both of those! Me and my roommates had a party on Friday and the theme was white trash :) It was super fun, but someone stole my ipod :( And now whoever stole my ipod has seemed to hack into my facebook and email. My fb and email automatically connect on my ipod (itouch) so when they turned it on they had access to all my stuff. It is really creepy and I am super bummed. My camera also broke that night, lame, but that is fixable and I am going to send it in to Nikon so they can figure out what's up with it. The weather has been nicer this past week, but it is starting to go up again. There were a couple days where I could wear jeans and a sweater, but now I am back to jeans and a t, and later this week it's gonna be back to SHORTS! Icky. October seems to be going by pretty fast I think, we are like halfway through! I can't wait for this semester to be over! As you all already know haha. But I just can't say it enough. This has been the semester from HELL! GAHhhhHHhha. SO so so so so ready for it to be break so I can see my family, see Nathan, have a break, be in the cold, go to the beach, and the list goes on and on! Jack is snuggling with me right now :) He is such a good boy! He is always sleeping on my bed when I get home from class, and he is just so so cute! I just LOVE him! Well, I don't have much else to say. XOXO

Lovely Day

It is beautiful in Tucson today. It probabl wont last long, but I am enjoying it while I can. I am sitting in the grass under a tree :) I love it. I am meeting a couple of my teammates for lunch in a but, and I don't really have much to do right now cause my class got out super early.I leave tomorrow morning for Santa Barbara, and I will be staying with Danika so I am so excited! I miss her! Then I come back Sunday and we have Jessica's 21st Birthday Dinner. THEN study study study. I have 2 more tests next week, then one the next week, then I finally have a little break. That will be 5 straight weeks of test. That's ridiculous. Anyways, I don't have much to say, I am just bored. XOXO.

It's Wednesday!

Hello, so halfway through the week! I have lots to fill you in on, I think? Um, first of all, on Monday I had my College of Education interview! It consisted of a group interview and an individual interview. They both went amazingly well! The woman who did the group interview said we were her best group, and I had 2 principals interview me in my individual and I think that went super well too. And I find out in about 2 weeks whether I got in or not, I am soo excited!! And more good news, I finally got a job interview at Starbucks, so that is in Monday and I am super stoked. Me and Casey leave for Santa Barbara Saturday morning to make our game schedule for lacrosse, and we will be getting back Sunday afternoon. Um what else? I had a paper due today, so I was up late last night finishing that, and I have a religion test tomorrow so I will be up late again studying for that. Then I have another government test on Monday, and an art test later in the week. So, for the past 3 weeks, and the next 2 I will have had or will have at least one test each week. WOW too much! We had our lacrosse info meeting last night and that went well, a lot of girls showed up. We will start unofficial practices next week on the mall. I went to yoga last night and that was good, we did a lot of meditating and it was really relaxing :) I am super tired today cause I was up late and I still have until 4 when I am done with classes. THEN I get to study! Yay! Um what else can I tell you?? Um, it has been 6 days since I have talked to Nathan. Very weird and lame. But he got to travel around England this weekend so I am sure he had lots of fun. I don't think I have much more to tell. Things haven't been too exciting here in Tucson. Alright well, bye. XOXO.

Friday, Friday

So, it's Friday. This has been a moderately good week, much better than the last one at least. Right now I am sitting in a big comfy chair in the bookstore, enjoying a venti iced non-fat peppermint white mocha. WOW, that's a mouthful. And I am about to meet my friend Erica for lunch! I have my COE interview coming up on Monday, and I am so nervous. So keep your fingers crossed for me! Last night I went to yoga and it was amazing. Like, I felt so good afterwards, and it just put me in such a great state of mind. From now on it is every Tuesday and Thursday so I am so happy about that!! Next week is also our first lacrosse meeting, so we will have a room in the rec center and all the players and new freshman will come and me and the other president, Casey, will tell them all about how awesome lacrosse is and how much our team rocks!!! And then next weekend me and Casey will be going to Santa Barbara for the WWLL meeting to make our schedule for the spring. We are hoping to be able to fly there instead of drive. If we can stay at my best friend Danika's house then we can fly, but we won't know if we can stay there till after this weekend because Danika plays soccer at UCSB and she is not sure if they will be traveling that weekend or not. I am hoping NOT, cause I really don't want to drive. Good news, I am a quarter of the way through this semester! I have had 3 tests, I have 2 more next week, and a paper due today and next week. WOW. I am gonna be busy busy with stuff this weekend! I will probably be spending the majority of my time in Starbucks haha. But that's nothing out of the ordinary. As you all know I am trying to get a job. I applied to 9 places, but haven't heard back yet. I am gonna check up on my apps this weekend I think. Um, what else is new? I guess not much. I am absolutely in love with my kitty, Jack. He is my best little friend, except in the morning when I am laying in bed talking to Nathan on the computer and he feels the need to sit with his butt in my face so I can't see the screen AND attack my fingers while I type. But other than that I just adore him, and I am so so glad that I have him. I sent Nathan a big box of goodies and what not yesterday, no knowing that it was going to cost me an arm and a leg to send. First I went to UPS and they told me it would be 160 dollars to send, and I was like HELLLLLLL NO, yeah right cause I have that kind of money! So then I took it to the post office and ended up sending it for 42 dollars there. Which is a big difference! But the thing with the post office is... there is no guarantee when and if it will actually get there. They told me that they usually don't have problems with packages getting lost when sent to England, but that you never know... and when the package leaves the US and enters the UK they no longer have any control or anything so it is in the hands of the UK post office or whatever. So I am a little nervous that it is gonna get lost, but I will just think happy positive thoughts and hope for the best. AND hope that it doesn't take too long cause I put homemade cookies in there... and if they get there in a month... ewwwww hahaha. Um what else can I tell you??? How about why doesn't anyone else update their blog anymore!! Come on people! Anyways, tonight we are having girls night. Me, Jessica, Kristin, and maybe Yael are going to go to dinner, and then we are going to watch Now and Then. We always joke that we are the Now and Then girls when we ride out bikes to school, cause we ride in a straight line side by side haha. We are just too cute;) I am not sure if I have much else to tell you. I think I have pretty much covered it all. I started reading P.S. I Love You again cause I just love that book so much, but I would like to find another really good book to read, so if anyone has any suggestions let me know. There are a lot of tours on campus right now. It is funny to think that like 3 years ago I was on one of those tours. And now I am a junior!! So weird! But I am glad, I think I am ready to be done with college. It is nice and all, but I can't wait to actually be teaching a class of my own and be back home and be able to see Nathan everyday. Hmmm. Alright, well gotta go. XOXO.