3 months, 13 weeks, 87 days, 125,280 minutes... they better go by fast!

So, I guess I am feeling somewhat better. I am still having a really hard time with this, but I got to talk to Nathan this morning, which made me happy. But I just really miss him a lot. Like I feel anxious all day, and when I finally get to talk to him my heart races so fast. I feel like a little girl when her crush talks to her haha. Everyday I wish there was something I could do to bring him back, to be able to see him everyday, but obviously that's just crazy cause there is nothing I can do.  I have a biology test tomorrow that is gonna kick my butt so that is also causing me a lot of stress too. Ugh, I want it to be winter break already. I am already over this whole semester. I think it will probably be the hardest one for me, so once it is over... I think I will be okay. I hope it will be okay. And I think that if I can get through this semester, being so far away from Nathan, and putting up with everything that comes along with your boyfriend being in a different country... then I will be able to get through the year and a half after that that I have to be away from him. Because this is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. And it may seem silly to some of you, but think about this... if you had to be away from the one person you love most whether its a husband, boyfriend, daughter, son, friend... would it be easy for you? What about if you couldn't talk to them? I 've realized this: I was fine last semester when we were away from eachother, then we came home for summer and did everything together, literally, and now he is in a different country... I got so used to living my life with him in it, with him as a really big part, that now that I have to live my life without him... I don't know how... And I don't know what to do...

goodmorning

I got a whopping total of 5 hours of sleep last night! I stayed till about midnight talking to Nathan, because he woke up and had time to talk before he went to class. Then I woke up at 5 to talk to Nathan again. I didn't actually wake up on purpose at 5, but my body just woke up because I think I knew I was going to get to talk to him. But of course we didn't actually talk until about 6, so I just laid in my bed, with this growing anxious feeling in my chest. When I talk to him lately I feel sick to my stomach/really sad. I think that will go away once I actually accept the fact that he is in stupid England. But for now, it's just gonna be hard for me to talk to him:( I am gonna try to have a more positive attitude about this because I know I can't change it, but I am gonna have t work at it. This is very hard for me. I feel really sad all day, until a couple hours before I go to bed when I start to feel better. But then I go to sleep, and when I wake up I feel sad again. The morning is the worst for some reason. Every morning when I wake up I get like butterflies in my stomach and that anxious feeling in my chest, then I get really depressed and cry. But as the day goes on, I feel a little better. I don't know. 

Finally

So I finally talked to Nathan today. It wasn't the happiest of talks, but it was nice to hear from him. He starts 2 classes tomorrow and the rest next week. And he is already running out of money (MAYBE HE WILL HAVE TO COME HOME;)!!!!!!!!!!!) We are not going to be able to talk on the phone, or text. So it's the internet only, oh joy. And this sucks. This sucks. This sucks. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I wish that SOMEONE could even understand a little how I feel right now. There needs to be some kind of support group for people in long (and when I say long I mean LONG) distance relationships. This is so stupid. I could not be more unhappy. And I know that is a horrible attitude, but whatever, I could care less at this point. And I just want to give props to my cousin Carissa... I don't know how you did it with a baby and not seeing Brandon for 7 months, you're my hero girl! Anyways, life is boring in Tucson as usual. AAAAAANNNNDDD I wish I could find a way to make these 3 months go faster because at this rate, I might be dead or have gone insane by the time December comes around. Ugh. And MOM I know I know "distance makes the heart grow fonder"... but right now distance is making me want to rip out my heart and throw it right in Nathan's face. Can you guys tell I am angry right now?? I am filled to the brim with rage. And at the same time I want to fall into a puddle on the ground and cry until I throw up. There are a lot of worse things that could be happening, I know. But this IS what is happening. THIS is what I am living through right now. And I think that if you have ever loved someone as much as I love Nathan, you would realize that having that person you love in a different country, on a different time, and unable to speak with them is pretty rough. It's hard to think of them going on and living there life without you in it. It's hard to think that there are other people that get to see him everyday when you have to wait months just to see him for a couple weeks. It's hard to think that you're not a part of their daily life. That you are just something on the side. Anyways, I have to go study for a POL test I have tomorrow. I tell ya, I have such a fun life. LATER! Be ready for my next long rant! XOXO

HURRAY HURRAYY!!!

Nathan texted me!!! He is there and will have internet tomorrow, so that is good news. But we won't be able to text cause its too expensive, and I am not sure about calling yet either.

Still no word...

So this is going on day 3 of Nathan being in England and I still haven't heard a word from him. I thought maybe I would wake up to an email or something, but nothing. I was really upset yesterday, but I made myself feel better by thinking this is silly I shouldn't be so upset about not hearing from him, I am sure he is fine. But this morning I woke up with that sick feeling in my stomach. I am sure he is okay, I just don't understand why we have had no form of contact the last couple days. It's 2:30 pm there right now, so he has been there for a couple days. I feel like he would have a phone by now, or at least access to internet. I just want to talk to him. 

I hate stupid England. 

Pictures from the last couple weeks!

Me and Nathan :)

Jack Jack on the Kitty Castle Nathan made for him!

More of me and my favorite boy!

The flowers and coffee Nathan surprised me with!!!! So sweet!!

Lots to tell!!

Hey guys, sorry I don't keep up with this! I figured it was time for an update since I haven't had a new post since I got my tonsils out. SO, what has happened lately?? Well I am back at school. I have been in Tucson for about 4 weeks now. Bentley drove out with me to help me move the rest of my stuff in and then she had to leave the next day because she had cross country practice, but it was nice to have her with me on the long boring car ride. We rocked out to Taylor Swift for a nice portion of the 6 hours:) Classes started about 3 weeks ago and so far things are going okay. I already have 2 exams this week!!! Scary! I am taking my first teaching course called teaching elementary math, and so far I really like it. I applied to the college of education for the teacher preparation program this last friday, so keep your fingers crossed for me!!! If I get in, next semester I will be taking teaching/method courses so I am very excited! Whats next?? Nathan made a surprise visit to me here in Tucson. He made up this whole story about how he was flying out and then his plane got delayed and blah blah and I totally fell for it. He called me and asked me if I had checked the mail that day cause he sent a package and he got a notice that it had arrived and I hadn't so I went outside to check and there were flowers and a mcdonalds caramel iced coffee (my favorite!) on the porch. THEN I was very confused and just kept saying what the heck, nathan, what the heck whats going on. And he walked around the corner and there he was! SURPRISE!!! It was the best surprise ever... he had driven all day to surprise me:) He is so sweet. He stayed for 4 days and it was so much fun! We adopted a kitty and Nathan named him Jack. He is all black and has pretty blue eyes. Nathan built him a really cool kitty castle thing. It took him a while, but it turned out really good. Nathan also did yard work and fixed the light that was falling of my ceiling. I tell ya... he's gonna make a great husband one day;))) When Nathan left I went back to my normal routine of school and what not. THEN the next weekend I flew home so I could see him one more time before he left for England. I spent pretty much every second with him when I was in San Diego, I won't lie, but he is the reason that I went home so what do you expect!! We did our normal movie watching and dinner going, and then on Sunday we went golfing with Bentley and his little brother Evan. It was so much fun, but it was so so hot!! And me and Bentley are awful at gulf haha. When we got home from golfing I realized I had a fever but that wasn't gonna stop me! ( I ended up having the flu and I am still fighting a bad cough). Monday me and Nathan went to the beach with my family and had a bbq. That was our last day together, so it was sad, but fun. Tuesday morning Nathan took me to the airport and we said our good-byes. It was really hard:( I am really really gonna miss him. I already do. He gave me his favorite pair of old grey sweatpants with a cute little note so I have been wearing those a lot. He left for England yesterday morning and he is going to be there for 3 months. I am so so happy for him because he wanted to do this so bad and he is so excited, but its gonna be hard. He is going to be 9 hours ahead of me for the next 3 months... I don't know how much I like that. That means when I am sleeping, he is awake. And when I am awake, he is sleeping. Like right now... its midnight there. It is going to take some getting used to. I haven't actually talked to him since he left from the New York airport, and I'm not gonna lie, it is driving me crazy. Not knowing what is going on is NOT something that I like. He has to get a different phone so so far he has no way to call me, and I am not sure about the internet situation... but I really hope I hear from him soon. Or... I might just lose my mind. Anyways... other news. We now have 3 animals in the house. Kristin has her kitty Sam, I have Jack, and Yael is currently dog sitting a little pup named Trae. What a big family we have!!! :) I am currently looking for a job. My Dad helped me type up a resume today and I am gonna do a lot of job searching this week. I need to keep busy or I am gonna miss Nathan too much , so it will be really good if I get a job. Wish me luck cause no ones hiring haha!!!! Well I guess that about does it for now. I will try to keep up with this more!!! XOXO.

Misery

This is so awful. I am in so so so much pain and I am choking on my own spit. My tongue is still swollen and I have the worst taste in my mouth. Pain meds help, but they make me nauseous since I can't eat anything. I thought it was a funny idea that I would lose weight from not being able to eat for a little while, but nooo. I really have lost weight. A noticeable amount. And if I keep feeling like this for another week or two then I am going to be legitimately skinny. Crazy. I have watched every movie in my house, I swear, and I am just so tired of laying in bed and doing nothing. My Mom is great though, she is always checking in on me and seeing if I need something, but I am being very bratty and I should be nicer to her, I'm just frustrated. I am literally starving and it is making me a grumpy person. I can barely talk still, Bentley says I sound like a deaf person hahaha. Yesterday I went to BJ's for a birthday celebration for my friend Niamh who passed away and I couldn't even have a real conversation with her parents cause my words don't make any sense! It is frustrating. But hopefully this next week I will get better. I take that back... it is gonna get worse cause my throat with start to scab, but then after that it should get better:) Alrighty, that's my update for you guys. I'm miserable and grumpy. Cross your fingers that I will start to improve! XOXO.

Sunsets and Surgeries

Hello! So many of you know that I had surgery yesterday, tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy, so I will be lying in bed bored for quite some time...... so I thought what better to do than update my blog since I normally am so bad with keeping up with it. 

Me and my big strong man:)

These are my lacrosse girls at our last game! I am so so proud of them. It was so exciting to watch these girls improve in their lacrosse skills during the few months I was able to coach them. There was such a difference from their first game to their last. They played fantastically at the Starz Cup and they almost won! I am going to miss them a bunch, but hopefully I will be back to coach over winter:)

This is my handsome man dressed up as an explorer:) Every Thursday at the day camp he works at the leaders have to dress up for that weeks theme and this week it was Journey to the Center of the Earth so he dressed up like an explorer. He always has the best outfits, isnt' he the cutest! Haha. The kids at his camp think that he is just the coolest thing on this earth! 

Nathan and I went down to Marine Street beach a couple weeks ago and ate some of my homemade fried rice and just sat there and watched the sunset. It was really fun and there was hardly anyone there which made it even better. I got a  lot of really good pictures, but this one is my favorite...

Summer, oh summer...

Just to fill you guys in on what's been going on with me... I have been coaching lacrosse and volunteering at a day care called The Little School. I really enjoy doing both of these, but it's hard because I am not getting paid for either of them and really have no source of income right now. I have been doing yard work for money, but that's not getting me too far. Other than that I have been hanging out with Nathan when he is not working and visiting my best friend Danika a couple times a week since she is stuck on the couch because she got ACL surgery. Ummm, I got my wisdom teeth out and that was hell and in a few weeks I will be getting my tonsils removed. Ultimately, this has been the lamest summer in the history of summers. No job, no money, and two surgeries. Gah! But it was good to see my Idaho family:) I just wish we could see them more than once every couple years. Hopefully we can come up for Christmas this year, keep your fingers crossed Idahoans!!!! Well, I guess that's all for now. XOXO.